Understanding Your Soon-To-Be Step Children

By: Alexine

Marriage is one of the largest decisions you can make in life. With two individuals joining together and becoming a family it is very important to consider each other’s circumstances. Now days it is very common to be marrying someone with children and as their fiancé it is important that you work on making a close relationship with the kids. They are going to be your step-children so it is important to work on getting to know them well. While this may not seem really important to some, it is a factor that can make or break the relationship with your fiancé.

Although you may not realize it, the relationship you have with your fiancé’s children is really important for the relationship between the two of you. Their other parent is going to look out for them so it is important that you try and be civil with your fiancé’s ex. I understand that this is hard for almost everyone, but it is a stepping stone for the future of your relationship with both your fiancé and the children.

As a step-child myself I’ve understood the importance of your parents and their spouse’s feelings towards you. As an individual you may or may not want children of your own, but it is important that you embrace these children with unconditional love as if they were your own. Step-children tend to be especially sensitive to the relationship you have with them, so make sure and really try hard.

However, if you decide that you would like children of your own, make sure and give your step children the same treatment. When a child feels unappreciated they tend to lash out, so it is important to really be conscious of how you treat them both before and after you have your own children.

Since your children would have both their mother and father under one roof there may be jealousy and conflict. This is where things have the opportunity to fall apart, so remember to really work hard at keeping a positive mindset to keep everyone feeling like one big happy family.

Creating a close relationship with someone else’s children is very challenging, especially when you are going to be a parental role in their life. It is so easy to be a friend or buddy but when it comes to discipline things can get really hard. This is why you need to make sure and establish your boundaries with the children from the beginning. It takes time to develop a respectful relationship and you want to make sure this is established before the wedding.

Although step-children can be quite a challenge, it is important to embrace them with love and affection. Work together with your fiancé to communicate with the children about your decision to be married so they understand what is going on. By keeping the children in the loop and including them in on who you are and what your intentions with their parent is, you have a much better chance of getting along.

Good luck with your wedding and fiancé’s children. Though there may be many hurdles in your future, it is all worth while in the end!