Five Subjects to Cover Before Getting Married

By: Alexine

1. The Idea of Marriage:

• For most people the day you say “I do” is the day everything changes. You no longer view yourself in just a relationship but a marriage. Marriage to some can be a very important and sensitive matter because of a past experience with divorce or a religious commitment with their purity.
• Saving yourself for this one person to spend the rest of your life with is quite an honor and although it is less common in today’s society, there are expectations behind the commitment.
• I cannot emphasize this more: Make sure you discuss what each other think of marriage. What do the wedding vows mean to you? How do you plan on addressing the commitment? This will help eliminate a last minute cancellation or future divorce.

2. Children:

• Whether you want children or not; talk to your partner about children. It is quite ok if you are unsure at the moment but if you are passionately against or for the decision it is important you tell each other. This will ensure that the issue does not come between you in the future.
• Warning: After the wedding some women or men immediately have their paternal clocks turned on and want children. This is very common and the best way to handle it is to talk about the subject together and communicate your feelings.
• Possibly you have children a few years earlier than you thought or later. Compromise is much better than grudging about the subject.
• Men, make sure you don’t pressure or put down the ladies. After all they are the ones carrying the baby and caring for it in the very beginning. It’s supposed to be a wonderful experience, enjoy it!

3. Location:

• Maybe you met it college or on a trip in Europe, or you both grew up in the same area which is far less common. In most cases you come from different areas and need to settle on a place to live.

• You may both be living in the same area you graduated from college and starting your careers but aren’t quite happy where your living and this is ok but remember this is a very important subject to communicate about.

• Despite your love for each other and the fairy tale idea of “no matter where we are and what we do we will be together” the reality is people get divorced a lot these days. Make sure if you want to move near your family to settle, you tell your partner. Also ask your partner where they want to end up living to settle down.

• If you both agree on a place then great, but today a lot of people have to move due to job openings and someone has to be more flexible or it’s difficult for growth in a career.
• If one of you is making more money or is going to stay home with the kids, be sure to allow them to pursue their career to avoid financial troubles.

4. Commitment:

• Every human being has a different internal feeling about commitment and this is such an important factor to discuss with your partner. Very few couples will actually have an open relationship let alone an open marriage. Therefore remember that adultery is out of the cards.

• Approach this matter in the sense of each individual’s background and where they stand in the relationship. Some people will back each other one-hundred percent while others see commitment as restraint and reduction of freedom.

• Make sure that you truly love this person and are emotionally committed to them. Most affairs are not physical but emotional due to a lack of emotional support from their spouse. Therefore in order to avoid the worst case scenario it is important to understand the commitment you entering and take it seriously.

5. Health:

• Last but not least is health and this comes into play with issues like smoking, drinking, disease, STDs, HIV, eating habits, exercise, and genetics for illness like cancer. While some of the issues I listed are small and some more serious, they all are equally important in making sure you take care of each other to ensure a long life together.

• Discussing personal health problems will most likely be done by the time your getting ready to marry your partner however some people do forget about a few concerns. Be sure and discuss all possibilities of contracting these illnesses or falling ill with cancer if it runs in your family.

• It is important that you do not hide health issues from your partner because it automatically installs trust issues from the beginning and risks future problems or divorce.

• Eating and exercising are two other very important health related topics. The lifestyle in college or as a bachelorette/bachelor is very different. Cooking for one and making sure to buy healthy food is not that fun and too much work. It is much easier to pick up some fast food and ditch the gym because you want to go out with friends or stay in to watch a movie.

• Make a point in seeing the marriage as a way to change your lifestyle. Go out grocery shopping together, plan out meals and get a gym membership together or go for walks. It doesn’t hurt to start before the wedding especially if you’re trying to slim down for the perfect dress or suit. Give it a shot. You may just fall in love with feeling great!